Betrayal
by jinakel wohess
Summary: Heero learns a new emotion, compliments of Relena. Warning: major Heero angst. Story continued in "Hilde's Decision" and "Jinx."


Thanks to Ryoko-onee who actually LIKED my "Jinx" story – I was afraid that no one would.  I'm glad someone was interested though.  This is a backstory to "Jinx" but it can stand alone as a oneshot.  Kinda adds to the crazy way Relena was acting in the story.  I really don't have a reason for why she acts the way she does – but she is kinda insane in the series…talking to imaginary Heeros and chasing him around the universe and such.

**DISCLAIMER – I do not own Gundam Wing.**

**Backstory to "Jinx"– Betrayal**

Heero smiled to himself as he made his way back to Quatre's mansion.  He'd only had to take a small side trip on his way here.  Noin and Lady Une with the Preventors never gave him a moment's rest, he thought sometimes.  Always keeping him from doing the things he wanted to do.

But what did he want to do?  That was a question the Perfect Soldier asked himself daily.  Did he want to stay as a part of the Preventors?  He and Wufei had signed up immediately after the Eve Wars and the Marimeia incident.  There was little other choice for a cold-blooded killer like himself.  Heero Yuy was not familiar with any way of life that did not involve struggle, death, destruction, and cunning.  Joining the Preventors was the next logical step.  In Relena's world of peace, there was little other niche available for Heero.

Relena.  She had caught him when he fell, too weary from his battles to remain standing, in Marimeia's palace.  She had cradled his head against her and whispered into his ear until the medics came to heal him.  She had been there when his eyes reopened in the sterile hospital room.  

He tried to deny his feelings for her.  Ever since he saw her on the beach.  The beach…the sun was setting over the ocean and he awoke on the warm sand, looking up at a beautiful girl.  A girl who wasn't afraid of the maniac soldier sprawled on the beach, looking more like a dried jellyfish than a boy.  He remembered knowing that he had to kill the beautiful girl.  And he remembered his hesitation.  A true soldier would have murdered anyone who saw him or the Gundam within the blink of an eye.  Heero had faltered and didn't attempt to try to kill her until days later.

And days later, he still hesitated.  

Relena.  It has been almost two years since he'd first laid eyes on her.  And for almost two years, Heero has tried to convince himself that he didn't have emotions, feelings for the girl he'd seen on the beach.  The girl that chased him over the Earth and through the Colonies.  For two years, Heero has been living a lie.

Of course, Relena told him time and time again that she loved him.  He could be shoving a gun down her throat and have the trigger halfway pulled, and her last words would be, "I love you, Heero."  

Too bad he didn't have that kind of courage.  Funny, a seasoned warrior such as himself admits he lacks courage.  Funnier: a puny little girl who needs constant saving has more courage than he'll ever have.  

His smile faded as he walked from the shuttle port down the wide streets of the L4 colony where Quatre's main estate was located.  The locals here preferred the dry and hot weather that made him take off his Preventor jacket, slinging it casually over one shoulder.  He ran a hand through his unruly bangs, going over in his mind what he wanted to say to Relena when he saw her.

Heero didn't notice the scenery along the miles he walked.  He just knew that all of a sudden, he was before Quatre's gate and looking at the mansion on top of the small hill.  Now or never, he thought to himself, trying to give himself a mental pep talk before talking to her.  Telling Relena that he loved her would be the hardest thing he's ever had to do.  

Sauntering up to the estate, Heero didn't bother knocking or even pausing at the door.  Everyone knew he was coming, and the servants around the house were more than used to his shadow entering and leaving the mansion at random times.  Of course, he was almost a day earlier than expected, arriving in the wee hours of the morning rather than late at night as was anticipated.  But who ever complained about a guest arriving early?  Certainly not Quatre.  The little guy would be ecstatic to have Heero come by early.  

Heero closed the door behind him, not making a sound.  The house was, of course, still dark because no one has woken up yet.  Not wishing to change that, Heero stole quietly up the stairs, making his way to his usual room.  

Relena's room was next door to his, he knew.  And she was visiting.  After setting his small duffel on the bed, which was made and ready to receive him, Heero decided to retract his earlier decision not to wake anyone up.  He was going to wake up Relena.  

He didn't bother to knock on her door either.  She was more than used to his entering and leaving her room as frequently and silently as a ghost, stealing a kiss before the sun rose in the morning.  Never more than a kiss, he regretted, but perhaps all that would change now that he has something to tell her…

Her bed was empty.  Heero walked across the room to it, laying a hand on the perfectly made blanket.  No trace of body heat remained on the pillow or sheets.  She must have left the bed a long time ago, if she ever even came to bed last night.  He glanced around the room, thinking that perhaps he had been mistaken in thinking Relena would be staying at Quatre's.  But, no, her luggage was properly set in the corner near the closet, and the clothes she must have worn yesterday were hastily tossed over a closed suitcase on the floor.  Relena was definitely here, somewhere.

Confused, Heero made his way down the hall, easing open doors as he went to check and see if Relena decided to sleep somewhere else for some strange unknown reason.  Trowa's room was empty, of course.  He was with the circus.  Wufei's room was empty as well, the Chinaman having recently just left Quatre's generous company.  Duo's room had someone sleeping in the bed.  A long chestnut colored braid fell from the pillow, over the edge of the bed, and barely touched the ground.  Duo must be visiting, Heero reasoned, closing the door and letting his friend sleep in peace.  

Having exhausted his options upstairs, Heero glided downstairs, peeking into the receiving room, billiard room, dining room, and other places.  Relena was nowhere to be found.  Two rooms remained unchecked: the master bedroom and the kitchen.  Most likely, Relena was in the kitchen, getting something light to eat or a glass of water.  Nevertheless, Heero was a thorough fellow and had to search every room of the house.  Quatre's bedroom was closer than the kitchen, so he decided to check there first.

Heero quietly edged Quatre's door open, peeking inside.  Quatre was sleeping as peacefully as Duo had been, an arm hanging off the edge of the bed in a manner similar to the way Duo's hair was hanging off the edge of Duo's bed.  Heero started to close the door, but something caught his eye.

Feeling guilty for spying on his friend, Heero opened the door a little wider and took a few steps into the room to get a better view.  He had been right.  Quatre's arm was not hanging off the edge of the bed.  Relena's arm was.  

Swallowing hard, Heero crept closer.  Maybe it wasn't as it seemed.  He stepped over the discarded clothes on the floor.  He felt anger boiling in him as he noticed Relena's delicate nightgown was among the items on the floor.  Relena's head was resting on Quatre's shoulder.  The Arab had his arms wrapped around Relena, holding her close as they slept.  The tightness in Heero's chest increased as he laid eyes upon Quatre's bare chest and Relena's naked back, both persons only covered to their waists with the lightweight white silk sheet.  

Heero closed the door softly behind him, careful not to wake the sleeping couple as they embraced each other in slumber.  He wandered aimlessly around the downstairs of the estate for a while, remembering the scene in his mind.  His anger quickly turned to sadness as he paced, unable to fathom the possibility of Relena not loving him.  He loved her, after all, even though he had never before told her.

He tried to name the emotion he was feeling.  It was painful, both sad and angry at the same time.  Betrayal, he decided.  Relena has introduced him to the feeling of betrayal.

The sound of light rainfall stirred Duo from his sleep.  Amazing, he thought to himself, he could sleep through fire and warning alarms of all kinds, but a little tapping rain on the window wakes him up.  He rolled over sleepily and looked at the chronometer.  04:48.  Too early, but he had told himself he wanted to get an early start today.  What's earlier than the butt-crack of dawn?

Duo skipped through Quatre's mansion.  After staying there for three days while Relena and Heero were visiting, he'd had enough of the good life and needed to get back on the streets.  Of course, Heero had been called away on a new mission immediately after arriving at the house, so Duo just chatted with Quatre and Relena for the last couple of days.  Heero was expected back late tonight.  

But Duo had his own business to take care of and couldn't waste any more time waiting for Heero to return.  He wanted to get back to the L2 cluster and start his own salvage business.  Hilde was waiting for him there, and scooping out some possible houses for the two of them to live in while she waited.  

Not wanting to wake anyone up during his early morning getaway, he snuck through the house with Heero-like stealth and grabbed a bagel from the kitchen as he passed by.  With his bag over his shoulder, Duo opened the front door, and he immediately tripped over a hunched form on the doorstep.

"Heero?" the braided boy asked.  "What's going on?"

Heero's rain soaked body remained motionless on the ground.  

"Heero?" Duo asked again, reaching out to touch his friend.  Heero's body was as cold as the rain, and his skin was pale and tainted with an unhealthy shade of blue.  Duo then noticed the little river of blood that washed away from Heero's body, down the sidewalk, and into the flowerbeds.  

"HEERO!" Duo shouted, turning Heero over to look at him.  Heero's eyes were glazed and unfocused.  His hands were trembling, still clutching the mirror-bright blade that had recently made easy work of the flesh around his wrists. 

Ripping his own shirt, Duo tried to stop the gushing blood from leaking out of Heero's severed veins.  Furiously, he wrapped his friend's wrists and tied the strips of material tightly.  Hang on Heero, Duo thought as he worked.  Hang on.

"Duo," a cracked voice called to him.

"Yes, Heero?"

"Let me die."

"No way."  Duo didn't offer more of an explanation than that and Heero didn't ask anymore.  Even this close to death, Heero recognized a determined Duo when he saw one.  "What happened, Heero?" Duo asked through clenched teeth.

"She's with him."

"Who's with who, Heero?"

"Relena and Quatre."

Duo just stared at Heero's saddened face.  No way, he thought.  Relena was with Quatre?  Shaking his head, Duo picked Heero up to his feet, leading him down the sidewalk and toward the street.  

"Please, Duo.  Let me die."

"Never, Heero.  If I have to live with you and chain myself to you to make sure you don't do this again, I will.  You're staying alive, Heero.  No matter how much you may not want to, I'm going to make sure you stay alive."

Duo paced the hospital hallways impatiently.  He was sure the nurses watching him from their station were about ready to wring his neck.  Heero had lost a lot of blood, the doctors had said, and it was a miracle he was even still alive, much less conscious.  It was a good sign, they told him.  Duo wasn't convinced, and thinking about it made him pace more furiously.

"You're going to drive people crazy if you keep doing that," a growling voice said from behind him.

Spinning around quickly, Duo saw Heero in a wheelchair, the orderly pushing the chair down the hallway.  "Heero!" Duo yelled, flinging himself into his friend's lap.

Heero patted the head of his overworried friend.  

"I shouldn't have worried.  You're a tough guy," Duo said, getting up and standing to the side in order to let the orderly wheel Heero to his new room.

Heero didn't say much else.  The ride in the elevator up to his new floor was excruciatingly quiet, enhanced by the mellow elevator music.  He didn't say anything as Duo helped him out of the chair and into his new bed.  When Duo satisfied himself by thoroughly looking over every corner of the room, he sat on the edge of Heero's bed.  They simply stared at each other.

His eyes, Duo thought.  They show his pain far more accurately than he could ever explain to anyone.  Duo couldn't imagine the sorrow Heero felt.  Even though Heero and Relena had never done more than kissed, even though Heero had never had the courage to tell Relena that he loved her, Heero loved her anyway.  And the look in his eyes said that he still did.  

Before he knew what was going on, doctors had shoved him out into the hallway and closed the door to Heero's room.  The muttered something about a psychological evaluation, and Duo was sure that was to determine whether or not Heero was stable enough to be released from the hospital.  If they decided he wasn't, Heero would have to live under supervision at an institution.  

Psychological evaluation of Heero Yuy?  Duo chuckled to himself.  These poor doctors are going to have nightmares tonight. 

He made his way to the waiting room on that floor, rather than pacing the hallways as he had earlier.  Heero was obviously out of physical danger, and only the assessment of the mental damage remained to be taken care of.  Duo plopped down heavily on the over-soft couch.  So much for an early start, he thought, it was now 10:28.  

"Duo," a soft male voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Quatre?" Duo asked unbelievingly.  But there he was, the timid little blonde who slept with Heero's girl – no wait, Relena was never officially Heero's girl.  Quatre made his way carefully to sit next to Duo. 

"I don't know what to do," Quatre started.

"Well, for starters you can tell me how you knew we were here," Duo interrupted, taking on Heero's best icy tone of voice.

"Hilde called…" Duo mentally cursed himself for not taking the time to call her and let her know he was alright.  The poor girl was probably worried sick about him.  "…and Rashid said your room was packed and you were gone.  But she insisted that you would have been home by now, so I asked Rashid to look around the house, to see if you'd been sidetracked by the kitchen or something.  I went upstairs to look for myself and noticed that Heero's bag was in his room.  Of course, I panicked and ran back downstairs to tell Relena, but that's when Rashid stopped me.  Ahmed told him that he'd seen blood on the front step.  So I went to look, finding blood on the ground and your bag thrown down next to it."  Quatre stopped his story and looked up at Duo's face, showing the regret, shame, and sorrow he felt.  "I pieced things together and came looking for you two here."

Duo remained silent and thoughtful for a moment.  "Well, I don't think that you should be going in to see Heero anytime soon," Duo offered.

"I didn't think he'd want to.  But I'm worried about him," Quatre said.

"You should have thought of that before you fucked Relena," Duo accused, letting the anger he felt inside slip.

"I know," was all Quatre could say.  His voice sounded small and meek.  "But she didn't want me."

"What are you talking about?  She slept with you, didn't she?"

"But she said Heero's name."

Duo was quiet.  "Oh," he said finally.  "So you're screwed too?  No pun intended."

Quatre took a deep sigh.  "I've never felt so used."

Three hours later, the doctors emerged from Heero's room looking more haggard and exhausted than Duo thought doctors could ever look.  Apparently, Heero's psych evaluation was an eventful experience.

"Hey buddy," Duo said as he walked into the room.

Heero looked up at him.

"What did those loons say?"

"I can leave."

Duo took a surprised step back.  "Really?  You can leave, as in right now?"

"If I had somewhere to go."  The forlorn sound of Heero's voice tore at Duo's heart.  He hadn't had a chance to talk to Hilde about this, but Quatre had been adamant about his wishes for Heero to remain close.  Quatre wanted to be sure that Heero was taken care of, financially, if he were ever in need of medical attention again or anything.  Duo was sure Hilde would understand…

"Heero, you and I are going to live on L4."

"Huh?"

"We're going to live here, you and me.  We'll start up a salvage business in the junkyard district.  Hilde will move here from L2 and we'll find a house for all three of us.  It'll be great."

Heero smiled, "That sounds like a good idea."

______

Yea I know, it's a pretty lame way for Heero to try to kill himself.  I'm not too happy with it, but keep in mind that he was very distraught at the time and not thinking too clearly.  We all do dumb stuff.  

BTW – this is kinda continued in "Hilde's Decision."


End file.
